Halfway Hip

Hopefully not a typical day

What a day it's been!!  I've only taken up one set of journal entries, and I already have one girl just crying out for help.  She wrote things like "don't tell anyone, but I think about death a lot" and "I'm really really down," etc.  She also wrote a really hilarious entry about why "Fuck" isn't such a bad word. "You can say, 'I fuckin' love you,' and it means something really great!"  Oh, and she wrote an entry about how she feels uncomfortable at soccer practice b/c they pray too much, and how she's not sure about her religious beliefs anymore.  I "came out" to her as an agnostic (in my written response to her) and told her that I had lived my life both ways, and that it's very hard when you don't feel what everyone else seems to be feeling.  I still haven't handed back her papers yet, so I have a little time to decide what to do about the strange entry.  She wrote the next time that she was sorry for the "dark" entry, and that she was in a bad place that day. I tried to catch her alone at recess to talk to her, but no dice.

Then, right after recess, I had to break up one almost-fight and then came to my room to find that a real fight had just happened.  There was no administrator available to help, so the SECRETARIES had to come down to walk the two perps to the office. Meanwhile, I have two hysterical girls on my hands who witnessed everything and were very upset, so I had to send them to the office for counseling.  Trying to teach right after that was pretty difficult!  I was glad it was small group reading day so that the kids could chitchat with one another and I didn't have to be "on" as much as I usually am.  I did take some deep breaths with them at the beginning of class, and then one of the boys said something really funny, which cracked us all up and loosened the tension a bit.  My school is by no means a "rough" school, so when stuff like this happens, I think it really leaves an impression.  I worry b/c I've been sensing a lack of administrator presence in the halls, in the lunchroom, at recess, etc, and I think the kids pick up on that.  I worry that they knew that my room would be unoccupied for those few minutes while I walked 300 kids in from recess, so they planned to fight there.  I wonder if the kids are feeling out the weak spots in our defense and then taking advantage of them.  I have to remind myself that we're talking about 2% of them, and that most of them want to do the right thing all the time.  Oh, we had a drug bust this morning involving 2 of my other students, too.  Happy happy joy joy!  At least in the 'hood, we had a cop on staff full-time.  If enough stuff like this goes down, though, I think our parents won't stand for it.  

Oh, and I'm finding, once again, that I can't teach honors kids very well.  Having them all in one class would probably help somewhat, but they're all mixed up together. I have some who can barely string two sentences together in the same class as a kid who has already written his own novel.  My 8th hour is mostly honors types b/c they all take Geometry as 8th graders.  They're becoming more and more high-maintenance  with every passing day. I can't put my finger on why they're annoying me.  I guess one reason is that they seem to feel the work is beneath them and that they don't have to do it.  I started really cracking the whip today and "babysitting" some of the do-nothings, so I think things will start improving.  

Up to this week, we were on a really long honeymoon period.  In comparison, our group is a lot better than the other 2 8th grade cores, but still!  Ugh!  I want to go back to worrying about how to make stories like "Flowers for Algernon" and "The Tell-Tale Heart" interesting and relevant for them.  "2%2%2%2%," I have to keep reminding myself.

Oh, and all of this would be easier to take if I wasn't also a near-permanent single parent.

Not quite so tired today

The weekend was really just shit.  My kids have been reacting in a normal fashion to such a drastic change in lifestyle, but it's still pretty hard to take.  Aidan has had some massive, angry tantrums.  It got really bad on Sunday, then it got better Monday and Tuesday, and today, just before bed, he threw another one. Poor kid.  I'm afraid that the demands of "real" school might be getting to him, even though he says he likes it.  It could also be the fact that I'm so distracted and that Matt's gone.  He says he enjoys school, but he's peed in his pants once and has already been to the school nurse for a tummy ache. I had to quickly make arrangements today to leave and go get him, but then they called me back and said he felt better all of a sudden.  

Evan started preschool yesterday, and that seems to have gone pretty well . All of our drop-offs and pick-ups are working well, too.  Evan loves our child care provider, and Aidan really seems to enjoy going there after school, too.  The annoying thing about Evan right now is that he's really, really whiney and doesn't want to do a lot for himself.  I'm trying not to cater to that too much b/c I don't want him to have baby-of-the-family syndrome.  At the pool on Sunday, I decided that I just couldn't carry him anymore.  So, of course, that meant that he was sitting on the hot concrete crying while everyone in the pool gave me the hairy eyeball.  I ended up carrying him a little of the way, and then I "encouraged" him along to the car.  Baby steps.

My classroom is starting to shape up a bit.  It's weird being at a school where students actually bring the supplies you've asked them to buy.  I found myself under a mountain of index cards, glue sticks, and colored markers.  That's in addition to 130 new, huge textbooks, 260 workbooks, and 130 copies of Night.  Oh, and we also got in our new handheld computers

. I have 26 of them sitting on a cart in my room in their original boxes. The kids are already freaking out in excitement over them, which worries me a bit b/c we don't have locking cabinets for them. Besides having to get organized and figure out how the school works, I'm really enjoying my days with the students. I'm getting to know them a bit, and I'm able to put more and more names to faces. They're pretty funny. One of them nearly made me fall off of my stool on Friday when he said he was born in 1994. The girls are all mostly developed, but the guys are still playing catch-up. They're very tall, compared to the 7th graders, and the voice-cracking has kicked in big-time. I heard a kid pass off his croaky voice today as "allergies." Hehe. I'm trying hard to remember what 8th grade was like for me. Overall, I remember starting out the year the same shallow girl I was in 7th grade and then changing massively around the middle of the school year. I'm sure being introduced to The Cure had something to do with it. :) I'm off to Zappos.com to do some shoe-shopping. My shoe wardrobe needs an overhaul, as even my "comfy" shoes leave me hobbling by the end of the day. I'm thinking all Dansksos, all the time.

Death by Powerpoint

I've been meaning to post. Really, I have! I had a whole cute post about our 2 weeks while Matt was gone summarized using quotes from Project Runway's Christian Siriano all thought out and halfway scribbled on my planner. Now, the info's gone stale, so I'll have to find another use for Christian's gems. I'll find some way to work it, bitches! I spent last week halfway mourning my last few remaining days as a SAHM. Got to go down to Texas to see my great friend Sara, who was in town visiting from Denmark with her kids. Her friendship was my salvation when I was a new, lonely mama in the California desert. It looks like she'll be coming once a year to visit, which makes me so very happy. It was a great visit, Sara! The boys finished up their last week of the part-time summer program at their preschool. This was Evan's first schooling experience, and he just fit right in like I knew he would. Aidan is excited and nervous about starting first grade at "big kid school." My first day of work was Friday. Yes, August 1st. Insane, I tell you! It was kind of fun, though. The teachers at my school were all split into groups to develop common procedures/lesson plans for things we all have to do, like arrival, dismissal, lunch, recess, and assemblies. I was in the group who developed the recess lesson plan, and I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. I had forgotten how much fun everyone has at a middle school as opposed to a high school. There's a very low crusty/bitter teacher ratio, which helps. I got to learn about some new middle school behaviors I hadn't previously known about, such as "corndogging." The description I was given, which involves a very memorable visual component, will probably crack me up for the rest of my life. Yesterday, I had a glorious 2 hours to work in my room. I got a lot checked of my "to do" list, but there's still so much to be done and there will never be enough time to do it all. My friend Jean had helped me put up fabric and borders on my bulletin boards a few weeks ago. I chose dark purple fabric with sparkly silver borders...very drag queen, but bright and cheerful. I unpacked my young adult literature collection and finally scammed a working overhead projector on the 3rd try. After lunch out with the boys and my MIL, who is in town for a few days, I had the first of many new teacher orientation meetings. Yesterday was violence prevention training. It's pretty much the same techniques I already use with my own kids; how to tell when you're angry, where to go for help, how to cool off before hitting, etc. Today, they herded all 150 of us into a theater at the high school for about SEVEN hours of straight lecture and Power Points over district policies. Yes, some of it was important, like how to report an absence and get a sub, but a lot of it was just a waste of time. I understand that it's a CYA thing for the district to make sure we all know exactly what constitutes sexual harassment (we were given a quiz over this!), but that didn't make it any less painful. There will be more tomorrow. UGH! At least we'll be breaking up into groups instead of crunching ourselves into too-small auditorium chairs for an entire day. One of the things we were told was to go and clean up our myspace and other web presences. I don't have anything bad out there, but I do want to make my myspace a little more neutral. I'm also going to have to police it regularly to make sure no one's putting any weird comments or pics of me up there. Off to do that now...

It's official

I went to the district office for a perfunctory interview with the Asst. Superintendent and signed my contract.  I officially have a job now.  My first day will be August 3rd, and my first paycheck will arrive around the end of August.  I went to a workshop on Wednesday with many of the districts other middle school Lang. Arts teachers to receive the teaching materials for our new textbooks.  I've never been one to really teach out of the textbooks.  Hell, at the inner city school, we barely had a class set, and most of those were very well-Sharpied.  However, I've also never been teaching at the beginning of a textbook adoption cycle, which is every seven years in Oklahoma.  It's interesting and fitting that I've been out of the game for exactly one adoption cycle.  

What amazed me about the teachers guides were the inclusion of methods that used to be considered "out there" like Literature Circles and Writing Workshop.  Apparently, while I was away, the textbook publishers caught up a bit.  Still, I have to be real and say that I'm already growing weary of hearing about how everything links to the state standards and how we're going to be spending an inordinate amount of time getting our 8th graders ready for their big tests next spring.  

Oh, and I found out that we have to teach a big, hairy research paper.  Ugh.  I know that I had to do my first one in the 8th grade, but that was for an honors class.  Oh, well.  Up to this point, I was totally stoked about the 8th grade curriculum, which includes The Outsiders and a holocaust unit with Diary of Anne Frank and Night.  I've actually never read Night before, but I read The Grapes of Wrath and To Kill a Mockingbird for the first time right before I taught them.  

I'm going to finish now b/c the new editor at Typepad SUCKS ASS and won't do what I want it to.  Excuse me.  I'm off to sort through more of my teaching files in an attempt to tame that beast.

Me! Dancing!

First of all, I'm now obsessed with Los Campesinos! At the moment, I can't stop hearing this song in my head. I know, it's long. Stick with it, though. Well worth it to feel so happy.

At long last, I have found the song that got EVERYONE all frothed up at Mondo in New York. I remember screaming to Kristen in the midst of our (slightly) drunken festivities, "What IS this? I LOVE this!"

Okay, so why am I all frothed up now, in midst of baskets of laundry, dirty floors, and a toddler who requires a 2 hour bedtime routine? I got a job today! Apparently, the "bad" interview I was beating myself up over wasn't so bad after all! I'll be teaching 8th grade Language Arts at a middle school that's about a 5 minute drive away. Now all I have to do is figure out childcare arrangements for both of the kids. Oh, and also I have to figure out a way to deal with the (slight) guilt about leaving SAHMhood sooner than I had originally planned. I'm sure there will be much more on that later. For now, I can relax and enjoy my spring. There are lots of fun things coming my way. Let's list them, shall we?
1. Seeing Amy Richards and Jennifer Baumgardner at OU on Wednesday while a very good friend's husband watches the kids.
2. Going out for brunch at La Baguette and a pedicure with my local friends on Saturday. A different very good friend's husband will watch the kids then.
3. Moms Night out at The Mont next week. Can expect chips and queso, Sangria swirl, a cute patio, and good conversation.
4. Book club next week, too. This time around, it's The Power of Place. MIL will be visiting, so yet another free babysitting hook-up.
5. Going to Miami in late May to join Matt for a different kind of hook-up. It will be our first trip alone since going to Kansas City for a wedding in Aug. 2005. I'm only there for three days, and Matt will probably have to work each of those days. The ILs seem to be really looking forward to having the boys come down. They're already making all kinds of plans for them.
6. Four concerts coming up: The Kills (possibly), Ladytron/Datarock, The Cure, and the True Colors show (I'm going for Girl in a Coma but the rest of the lineup should be fun, and it's a worthy cause to support.)

so many things...a story of adult ADD

I have so many blog entry ideas going through my head. I usually get the best ones as I'm going to sleep, while I'm in the shower, while I'm working out, or while I'm driving in the car. All useless places to act on said inspiration. When naptime arrives, if I'm lucky enough to score a naptime, my brain is already somewhat fried and I just end up puttering around the net or the house. Do I really get things done? No! No blog posts, no significant emails, no work on the neverending online teacher job application, no dishes, no laundry, no office/file/craft area organization, no preparing of pile o' shit to mail. All of this is stuff I want and need to do, but I just can't seem to get around to doing any of it. I did manage to bang out a proposal to teach another writing workshop last week. It was accepted, so I officially really do have work to do now. Luckily, it was a lesson I already designed. I even have an article published about it. Look, it's on ERIC! I'm famous! Err...nevermind. Don't look. I'm buried somewhere there in the abstract. eeeneyway.... this workshop will be a lot less work...just some minor tweaking. I need to visualize the actual teaching part more this time around. Last time, I caught myself in some really bad teaching moments by going around and saying things like, "Good work." Whaaaa?

Have I mentioned that I'm going to New York City in a little over two weeks??? Kristen and I wanted to take a trip to celebrate our 20th Friendiversary. She's busy as hell and works for a living, so she decided to bring me along for the ride to some baby trade show in lieu of an actual vacation. Well, it will still be a vacay for me because I'll be gone for FIVE DAYS WITH NO KIDS. Even if I had to dig ditches all day long, it would still seem like a break if I had freedom every night to do what the hell I wanted. In NEW YORK CITY! We have no definitive plans, other than 3 days of trade show, and I like it that way. I just want to wander around, look at some interesting people, shop at some unique places, and eat some cool food. We'll tear it up like we did at Baptist Camp in 1988. Matt will somehow make do here at home without me for the first few days, and then his mom will come and rescue help him out for the 3 days he'll have to work. She can't find anything in our house, nor can she work the carseat, the baby gate on the stairs, the shower switch, and she gets really lost driving around our town. I don't know how they're going to make it. I'll probably have to work like a dog getting the house ready, getting the meal plan/shopping done, scheduling playdates , making lists, printing out directions, etc. I'll have to keep thinking of ALL THE FUN I'm going to have. Whee! I haven't been on a plane without a child in over 7 years! I haven't spent more than 1 night away from Evan and more than 2 nights away from Aidan! I have been pregnant or nursing for almost 7 years now! I'm so ready!

Our new year

2008 will be a year of huge change for us. Matt just received his earliest official separation date from the Air Force. March 21st. That's only a little over 2 months away!!!! He can work longer than that, if we need him to, but we're both so anxious to just move on to the next big thing in our lives. We do know, however, that we don't want to move again. I feel very settled here in my little college town. The most we're willing to do is move to the Dallas/FW area or maybe Austin.

My mom has some health complications which make me really scared to move away again. She had a defibrillator installed a few years ago. She also has a separate heart problem, a leaky valve, that the docs have decided must be fixed while she's relatively young. This means open heart surgery, probably this spring. It'll be a scary operation with a long recovery. She'll be in the hospital for up to 10 days, assuming there are no complications, and then she'll have to rest at home for another 3 months.

Matt still hasn't been called in for an interview. He's applied at numerous places, including one major airline, where his prospects look pretty good. He has some excellent contacts within the company and had his application personally walked in to the chief pilot's office. We're just waiting for the call.

Our financial prospects are looking pretty grim over the next few years, especially if he takes the job with Major Airline. It doesn't pay well at all for the first few years. Even if I find a teaching position, we'll still come under what we're making now. Good news is that we've paid off our credit card,and we'll be able to pay off one of our cars and add a bit to savings after our tax return comes back. Plus,there's still more coming in from Matt's uncle's estate. Bad news is that Major Airline doesn't kick in for health insurance til after 6 months, which means we'll have to COBRA our military insurance. With that added expense, plus the newly added expense of full-time child care, it will be hard even if I get the best job possible. However, this is a temporary situation. If Matt likes Major Airline and stays with them, the pay increases greatly over a career. There would be lots of opportunity for travel (free flights!) and we'd be able to really help our kids get started in life. One other piece of bad news: for the first 2 months, Matt would be gone on training. For the first few months after that, he'd do this icky reserve duty where he'd have to go camp at a hotel in a faraway city for 6 days at a time. (We foot the hotel bill, btw.) Back for 4 days, gone for 6. It feels like it would be the military all over again, only with MUCH LESS PAY. But only for a little while.

I am getting really excited about the thought of teaching again next year. I've pulled out all of my old files so that I can dust off the resume (or rewrite it, actually). My first step is to get a transcript proving I did, indeed, earn an MEd, and then I have to send that to the state dept. for a new teaching certificate.

Numbers

125 dollars per hour I will make giving two 75 minute poetry workshops on Thursday
75 dollars I have spent on materials for the workshops
10 emails to establish that I, indeed, need an overhead projector for my workshops
50% amount that Matt's salary may be cut in moving from the AF to a civilian job
6 parties we were invited to this past weekend
3 parties actually attended
27, 364 salary I earned my last full year of teaching (part of which was spent at what is apparently now a "dropout factory"
0 salary I earned in 2003,2004,2005,2006 (just got the old SS statement yesterday)
7 days on/7 days off is a typical flying schedule in the civilian aviation industry
half of the year Matt would miss with us if he took one of those jobs
400 dollars I put on the credit card to enroll our kids in Little Gym for next semester
400+ dollars Matt spent on his "business casual" outfit for an aviation job fair last week (also on credit card)
many dollars we need to cut from our monthly budget to pay off our credit card and save up for what lies ahead. Time to stop living high on the hog,folks.

what's happening

1. I'm still trying to get over the fact that I'm so lame, I blogged about our toilet seat. The bathroom mini-ren is coming along nicely, though. Matt repainted the trim yesterday, and we have a new mirror to go over the vanity.
2. I'm all caught up with The Office, so now I can watch weekly. Thanks to the free sub to Entertainment Weekly from Jean, I got to feast my eyes on the yummy 4-part cover featuring all of the main Office actors. I love how all of the women are dressed in the latest sexetary fashions.
3. Trying to eat mostly vegetarian, and mostly succeeding. The new rules I have for myself are that I won't eat any meat other than what I can get from local, sustainable farms here in OK. Luckily, there are lots of good beef and pork producers in this state. Chicken is a little harder to come by, thanks to ridiculous processing laws. I'll still eat seafood, but I'll try to avoid that, as well. I'll probably still eat meat when visiting people's homes, traveling, etc, but if I don't need to, I won't. It's a little more adventurous visiting the same old restaurants around town, but trying to eat in a new way. At some places, like Thai Raja, it isn't hard. Their veggie buffet has always tasted better to me than their meat dishes. I thought Misal, the Indian buffet, would be really hard b/c I love their Tandoori chicken and beef korma. I just passed them by and filled up on mushroom curry, red beans, and spinach paneer, which were all excellent choices. Now I've just got to figure out a way to keep full w/out having to eat *all the time.*
4. I have a teaching gig coming up on Nov. 1st. I'll be leading two 75 minute workshops for middle and high school writers. I'm supposed to be helping them get ideas for an Oklahoma Centennial writing competition, so my workshop is titled "Inspired by Oklahoma." We'll be using picture books, photos, songs, news stories, etc. to create found poetry. I have a lot of prep to do, but it's exciting to be able to teach even a little bit again. I'm a little stumped by how to incorporate the Oklahoma Centennial into writing ideas, but things are coming along.
5. Matt and I are going to The Girlie Show in Oklahoma City this Friday. I'm so excited, but a little worried that I'll want to spend too much $$$$. I'm going to concentrate on getting ideas for my own crafts and for possibly starting some kind of craft group here in Norman.
6. Matt's job search is about to get started in earnest. Lots of new regional air travel companies are opening shop, so it's exciting to consider all of the various possibilities. I'm trying to encourage Matt only to apply to companies located in places we are actually willing to live for the next 20 + years. I'm reluctant to start all over again, for a lot of different reasons, but I think I'll be okay if it's a really good offer. The fact that we live in such a low-cost housing market scares me badly, esp. considering that houses aren't selling or even renting very well in Norman right now.

Professional/Maternal

Last Thursday, I got to set my alarm (well...Matt set his and then woke me up), dress like a grown-up, and leave the house and the kids in the hands of Matt and then the babysitter to go to a conference with Tom Romano. I wrote a few days ago about my jangly nerves, but once I got to the meeting space and recognized a few familiar faces, I was more at ease. One of Oklahoma Writing Projects co-directors, Janice, a great mentor to me in my teaching years, was happy and surprised to see me there. We had been in touch via email a few times after I moved to CA, but I've kind of been in professional hiding overall for the past 6 years or so. I hadn't even emailed to tell her I was back in town, and we moved almost 2.5 years ago! She introduced me all around her table and told me that she needs to get me on the schedule again to do teacher workshops. Everyone was very welcoming, asking about my life as a mother, commenting on my pics of Aidan and Evan. The teacher sitting next to me teaches a class I'd die for, Reading for Pleasure, at a high school in my town. We chatted a bit about my thesis research, which was on Reading Workshop in a 9th grade class. A few minutes into the presentation, she slipped me a note that there was a 1/2 time Adv. English II position open at her school. Simply amazing, the networking that can happen in an organization like OWP! I told her to give me a few more years. Afterward, Janice came over to me and told me that she wanted me to work with several other teachers on a presentation to be given at workshops around the state. She said that she could put me to work and that I could make some good money. Yes, I remember well the days of earning $150 for giving an hour-long presentation. Unfortunately, I also remember the hours and hours of work and research that went into each of those presentations, and also the responsibilty of answering all the questions the teachers had. Since I haven't been teaching in this new high-stakes testing climate, I don't know that I could do current teachers justice by presenting material that might be totally out of context for them. Then again, with these new connections made, it wouldn't be that much of a stretch to meet a few teachers for coffee and get an update on all the latest. I could also be a guest teacher, possibly, and try out some new stuff. Janice introduced me to a woman who teaches at a middle school in Moore, and she was really interested in talking to me. If we stay here next year (and there's a high possiblity that we'll have to move), I can do more and more to get myself back in the game. However, I don't see a way that I can go back to teaching full-time til Evan is ready to go in the Scotties class at Gingerbread Preschool, which would be in 3 years. I just really want to avoid putting him into a daycare type situation. I'm okay with leaving him a few hours a week now, and very thankful that we're in a position where I don't have to. For now, doing a little bit of work with OWP, getting my feet wet, visiting some classrooms, working on my own writing, will all be enough. Attending this conference has rekindled the fire, though, and I am reassured that I have chosen my career path well. I can't wait to get back.

Okay, so back to the presentation...

From my notes...

Writers learn what they want to say while they write. Start with images and details, and follow from there. Let language do what language does best...think. Language is our canoe up the bush river...Using language is a generative act of creativity. Expressive writing gives birth to thinking...it's not uncommon for expressive writing to be filled with errors. Expressive writing is the seed bed from which ideas grow.

We did a quick write from Linda Rief based on Cynthia Rylant's book When I was Young in the Mountains. Here's mine:

When I was young in the duplex in the complex near Lake Ray Hubbard in Garland, TX, I was often stuck at home by myself. I'd listen to Electric Avenue on MTV, Naked Eyes on the radio, and Heart on mom's record player. My bf Michelle would come over and we'd turn my whole bedroom floor into Barbie's house, using things like tissue boxes for cars and couch pillows for beds. We'd go swimming in the complex pool nearly everyday. I taught myself to swim that summer by holding onto the side and venturing further and further away from it every day. My hair turned green that summer.

We also did a writing prompt where we chose two qualities to personify, inspired by The Book of Qualities. I could do lots more with this, but here's my first draft:

Professional dresses nicely, somewhat conservatively, but fashionably.
Maternal wears only washable fabrics designed to hide spit-up, peanut butter stains, and dog hair.
Professional has somewhere to be at a certain time, so she sets her alarm clock and showers in the morning.
Maternal has no use for an alarm clock, as one of her children will surely wake her up long before it's absolutely necessary. She showers when the baby naps or when "Sesame Street" is on.
Professional knows how to think and how to convey complex ideas in both speaking and writing. She will stay up all night to hone these skills, using compound-complex sentences and many 3- and even some 4-syllable words.
Maternal has just as many unique thoughts, but they are a lot more disjointed. However, she rarely gets a chance to convey a complete one in either writing or speaking, without paying a babysitter $10 an hour for the privelege to do so. Maternal is often reduced to grunting out one-word commands. "Trash-out." "Kitchen-closed." "Outside-bike-helmet." "Baby-diaper-NOW."
Professional can expect a monthly deposit into the checking account.
Maternal ticks off the number of years that the Social Security statement reads $0 in earnings.

Sound familiar to some of you??