Halfway Hip

Wiped Out

What a week, ya'll. This life change has left me nearly comatose this weekend. I'm so tired and yet I have so much to do, I'm almost stunned to the point of inaction, even though both of the kids have finally, mercifully gone to sleep early. This new life seems like it's all built on a delicately balanced house of cards. One false move, and it might all come plummeting down. Or, more likely, it will all stay up, courtesy of my shredded sanity. Who needs sanity when your job is to corral 110 13 year olds all day long and then come home to a needy 2yo, a hyperactive, emotional 6yo, and a neglected dog? I'm tired but can't sleep, hungry all the time but can't really eat. At school, I think I'm holding it together really well so far. I haven't even begun to grade or deal with parents or even learn most of my students names, but I've found that I can still get up and teach a class in a fairly entertaining, take-charge manner. I was worried that I had lost that ability, but it was like riding a bike. It will be juggling everything else that will be the biggest challenge, especially now that I've agreed to be a single parent for 18 days every month. Unfortunately, home is where I can fall apart. Well, I haven't totally fallen apart. I don't think I need restraints or even some good meds. Yet. We're only on Matt's second trip, and I'm left wondering why I ever, ever agreed to this lifestyle. I guess being able to pay the bills and keep our house was a pretty strong motivator, but still. I guess it's kind of late to change my mind.

so many things...a story of adult ADD

I have so many blog entry ideas going through my head. I usually get the best ones as I'm going to sleep, while I'm in the shower, while I'm working out, or while I'm driving in the car. All useless places to act on said inspiration. When naptime arrives, if I'm lucky enough to score a naptime, my brain is already somewhat fried and I just end up puttering around the net or the house. Do I really get things done? No! No blog posts, no significant emails, no work on the neverending online teacher job application, no dishes, no laundry, no office/file/craft area organization, no preparing of pile o' shit to mail. All of this is stuff I want and need to do, but I just can't seem to get around to doing any of it. I did manage to bang out a proposal to teach another writing workshop last week. It was accepted, so I officially really do have work to do now. Luckily, it was a lesson I already designed. I even have an article published about it. Look, it's on ERIC! I'm famous! Err...nevermind. Don't look. I'm buried somewhere there in the abstract. eeeneyway.... this workshop will be a lot less work...just some minor tweaking. I need to visualize the actual teaching part more this time around. Last time, I caught myself in some really bad teaching moments by going around and saying things like, "Good work." Whaaaa?

Have I mentioned that I'm going to New York City in a little over two weeks??? Kristen and I wanted to take a trip to celebrate our 20th Friendiversary. She's busy as hell and works for a living, so she decided to bring me along for the ride to some baby trade show in lieu of an actual vacation. Well, it will still be a vacay for me because I'll be gone for FIVE DAYS WITH NO KIDS. Even if I had to dig ditches all day long, it would still seem like a break if I had freedom every night to do what the hell I wanted. In NEW YORK CITY! We have no definitive plans, other than 3 days of trade show, and I like it that way. I just want to wander around, look at some interesting people, shop at some unique places, and eat some cool food. We'll tear it up like we did at Baptist Camp in 1988. Matt will somehow make do here at home without me for the first few days, and then his mom will come and rescue help him out for the 3 days he'll have to work. She can't find anything in our house, nor can she work the carseat, the baby gate on the stairs, the shower switch, and she gets really lost driving around our town. I don't know how they're going to make it. I'll probably have to work like a dog getting the house ready, getting the meal plan/shopping done, scheduling playdates , making lists, printing out directions, etc. I'll have to keep thinking of ALL THE FUN I'm going to have. Whee! I haven't been on a plane without a child in over 7 years! I haven't spent more than 1 night away from Evan and more than 2 nights away from Aidan! I have been pregnant or nursing for almost 7 years now! I'm so ready!

I was Pioneer Woman's Alice (or, "Somebody, please call my therapist.")

I've always hated early-morning dreams. They're usually crazier than normal, and they make it really hard to wake up. Today, Evan woke me up around 6 to nurse, and from that time til about 7:45, I had a long dream in which I was Ree's housewife, I mean, housekeeper. I was really struggling, too, and Marlboro Man was making me really nervous. My kids were nowhere to be found, but Matt was there, just looking on. We were all sitting on the shag (?) carpet of their family room, having lunch. I kept forgetting things and jumping back up to the kitchen. I served a new, delivered pizza and a frozen (?) pizza for lunch, and we had a ton left over. There was also salad, which got dumped on the carpet somehow. I remember picking the lettuce off the carpet, where there were a bunch of ants. I blew some ants off the lettuce and then got my feelings hurt when Marlboro Man didn't want any. Then I remembered, "Oh, he doesn't eat salad. He only eats meat, potatoes, and Dr. Pepper." So, then it's evening, and my children are still nowhere to be seen. Ree's children are in bed, and I'm having to clean dishes again. Apparently, Matt and I lived on the ranch with them. They were getting ready to go out to a Cattleman's Ball, and Marlboro Man said that we could "have the night off" and then he winked at Matt. I thought, "Okay, bitch, where's my paycheck? We still haven't decided how much I'm getting paid for all of this." On the way out, Ree said she left my check on my dresser. Then I woke up, because Evan finally decided to stop chewing on me.

Does this mean that I read her blog too much?