Halfway Hip:

What a day it's been!! I've only taken up one set of journal entries, and I already have one girl just crying out for help. She wrote things like "don't tell anyone, but I think about death a lot" and "I'm really really down," etc. She also wrote a really hilarious entry about why "Fuck" isn't such a bad word. "You can say, 'I fuckin' love you,' and it means something really great!" Oh, and she wrote an entry about how she feels uncomfortable at soccer practice b/c they pray too much, and how she's not sure about her religious beliefs anymore. I "came out" to her as an agnostic (in my written response to her) and told her that I had lived my life both ways, and that it's very hard when you don't feel what everyone else seems to be feeling. I still haven't handed back her papers yet, so I have a little time to decide what to do about the strange entry. She wrote the next time that she was sorry for the "dark" entry, and that she was in a bad place that day. I tried to catch her alone at recess to talk to her, but no dice.

Then, right after recess, I had to break up one almost-fight and then came to my room to find that a real fight had just happened. There was no administrator available to help, so the SECRETARIES had to come down to walk the two perps to the office. Meanwhile, I have two hysterical girls on my hands who witnessed everything and were very upset, so I had to send them to the office for counseling. Trying to teach right after that was pretty difficult! I was glad it was small group reading day so that the kids could chitchat with one another and I didn't have to be "on" as much as I usually am. I did take some deep breaths with them at the beginning of class, and then one of the boys said something really funny, which cracked us all up and loosened the tension a bit. My school is by no means a "rough" school, so when stuff like this happens, I think it really leaves an impression. I worry b/c I've been sensing a lack of administrator presence in the halls, in the lunchroom, at recess, etc, and I think the kids pick up on that. I worry that they knew that my room would be unoccupied for those few minutes while I walked 300 kids in from recess, so they planned to fight there. I wonder if the kids are feeling out the weak spots in our defense and then taking advantage of them. I have to remind myself that we're talking about 2% of them, and that most of them want to do the right thing all the time. Oh, we had a drug bust this morning involving 2 of my other students, too. Happy happy joy joy! At least in the 'hood, we had a cop on staff full-time. If enough stuff like this goes down, though, I think our parents won't stand for it.

Oh, and I'm finding, once again, that I can't teach honors kids very well. Having them all in one class would probably help somewhat, but they're all mixed up together. I have some who can barely string two sentences together in the same class as a kid who has already written his own novel. My 8th hour is mostly honors types b/c they all take Geometry as 8th graders. They're becoming more and more high-maintenance with every passing day. I can't put my finger on why they're annoying me. I guess one reason is that they seem to feel the work is beneath them and that they don't have to do it. I started really cracking the whip today and "babysitting" some of the do-nothings, so I think things will start improving.

Up to this week, we were on a really long honeymoon period. In comparison, our group is a lot better than the other 2 8th grade cores, but still! Ugh! I want to go back to worrying about how to make stories like "Flowers for Algernon" and "The Tell-Tale Heart" interesting and relevant for them. "2%2%2%2%," I have to keep reminding myself.

Oh, and all of this would be easier to take if I wasn't also a near-permanent single parent.