A few weeks ago, Aidan's school sent a letter home informing us that two 4 yo kids from one of the preschool classes had climbed the 6 ft. chain link fence and walked 3 blocks west, crossing several neighborhood streets. They were walking on the sidewalk of a really busy street, but they never crossed that one. A woman saw them and called the police. The teachers at school had noticed that the two kids were missing, but one of them had a history of hiding on the school grounds, so they were looking there. In the school's 43 year history, this has never happened before. The owner of the school took this very seriously and called a special meeting to discuss the issue with the staff and invited any questions from parents. She self-reported to the Dept. Of Human Services, and they are conducting an investigation, which will include sanctioning the teachers who were on duty at the time. Extra staff have been put on duty in the afternoon. Preschool officially ends at noon and all-day Kindergarten (Aidan's class) ends at three, but kids stay in the after-care program. They usually have a lot of time during these afternoons to roam around the school's massive backyard. This was one of the things that initially drew us to the school. We knew that Aidan would be so completely happy in a place like that. I've never seen a better playground before or since.
There are a few friends in my local moms group who seem to be really concerned about this incident. I've heard, "If MY child were going to that school, I'd take her out" and "If I were paying them good money, I expect them to watch my kids better than that." There are many rumors swirling around about this, but no one has asked what's being done about it. They can't get past the fact that the kids "could have been killed." One of my friends suggested that the fact that the kids hadn't been killed made absolutely no difference.
For those of us who have children at this school, we definitely recognize that this is a serious safety concern. However, every single school parent that I've talked to is really impressed by the way it's been handled by the staff. A similar incident occurred at another prestigious local daycare. In that case, the parents were not informed, the school didn't report to DHS, and the school blamed the child. Yes, we all wish that these kids hadn't escaped. Of course, everyone is beyond relieved that they were returned unharmed. Should we all pull our kids out of a school with a positive 43 year history? Evan's starting there in 2 weeks for the summer program. I don't worry about Aidan there one bit. He's old enough to know the score, and he's never been one to escape anyway. Evan's definitely more of a thrill-seeker, and he's still so little. I've voiced my concerns to the owner, and I felt really comfortable with her reassurances.
In general, I'm not one of the helicopter moms at the park. I like to sit back and let my kids be kids at the playground. I lose track of them occasionally, and Evan will sometimes run away from me. Sometimes my kids climb way higher than I'd like for them to, and they have a keen interest in exploring the ditch and wanting to go hang out at the gazebo with the homeless guys. I know that every time I take them to the park, I'm risking their safety just a bit. I feel that the risk is worth it, especially when I see them grow everyday in confidence. Would that confidence be achieved without that bit of risk?
As a parent, it's really hard not to let fear rule your decisions. In the case of this incident, I think about the ways that the community came together to get these kids back: the woman who called the police, the police who came, the social worker from DHS who is working with the owner to devise a plan so that this doesn't happen again. At the Mother's Day Tea Party on Monday, I was reminded again of why I chose this school and why we'll continue on there. The school has been like Aidan's second family for three years now. I can't think of another place that would have accepted him for who he is so readily, from the aggressive, hyper 3yo to the wacky, sometimes-shy, incurably curious 6yo he's become.
Throughout this whole ordeal, I couldn't help but think about Richard Louv's book Last Child in the Woods. In Chapter 10, "The Bogeyman Syndrome Redux," he writes, "Fear is the most potent force that prevents parents from allowing their children the freedom they themselves enjoyed when they were young." Later, he writes, "Excessive fear can transform a person and modify behavior permanently; it can change the very structure of the brain. The same can happen to a whole culture. What will it be like for children to grow up in socially and environmentally controlled environments--condominiums and planned developments and covenant-controlled housing developments surrounded with walls, gates, and surveillance systems, where covenants prevent families from planting gardens? One wonders how the children growing up in this culture of control will define freedom when they are adults."
I'm not saying that it's okay for 4 year olds to be allowed to escape from the schoolyard and wander the streets alone. What I am saying is that the fear that drives parents to obsess about the problem and retreat with their children in tow (at what cost?) moves us no closer to a solution. One of the wonderful things that Aidan's school strives to teach every child is that he/she is CAPABLE. In finding solutions to this safety concern, they are modeling that they are capable of recognizing the issue, coming to grips with it, and seeing that it doesn't happen again. I will stress to my own children, as they continue on at this school, that they, too, are capable of following the rules and playing in that wonderful play yard, close to the adults they know they can trust.
